Satan is evil

Man oh man. I sure do feel bad for Teddy Haggard. It really is a bummer when Satan gets a hold of you and you're not able to shake him off your back before the story of how he's got you makes it to the public press, you know? I mean, here's a man who's fightin', at least once a month, the evils of the Dark Lord with all his might. He's fightin' that fight for all of us.... and I'm sure he was makin' progress too. And then the dadgum liberal media comes along and twists his story in to one that makes him look like a drug user who likes to pay for gay sex with prostitutes with church money. I mean, COME ON! Isn't it obvious that this well respected Christian leader is a victim of Satan's will? Isn't it obvious that he's just being tested by the Lord? Passing the Lord's tests takes time, people. It don't happen over night. Sometimes you gotta get your cornhole pounded by a gay prostitute over and over and over again before you can finally rise above that big ol' bag of meth that Satan has put before you and prove your worthiness to the Lord. That's all he was doing. Provin' his worthiness. We should all be proud of Ted Haggard, and grateful to him for gettin' his donut punched so we don't gotta.

Well, that's all I got to say about that. I'm gonna get back to presidentin' for a while and then maybe go shopping for some new pants. No nap for me this afternoon - I'm gonna get to bed early tonight. Laura and I are throwin' a big party tomorrow for the election. Everyone's gonna be here - Karl, Dad, Dickie, Brownie, them dudes from Diebold, and even Rush is gonna show up. Condi RSVP'd no, because she's sick of all of our guests thinking she's there to get them more beer and food, and clean up their spills. What's up with that? Anyway, we're gonna fire up the grill and make up a mess o' steaks for everyone, and then we're gonna bust out my secret stash of Lone Star beer so we can get ready to CELEBRATE!! FOUR MORE YEARS!! FOUR MORE YEARS!!! U.S.A.!!! U.S.A.!!!!

I love election day!