I don't hate old people
See here folks, I don't hate old people... just poor old people... uh wait, that didn't come out right... gall'dern it, I gotta quit doin' that! See, I was at this here event in Pennsylvania, speechifyin' like I'm supposed to do from time to time. I was there 'cause some people got all their panties in a bunch about how I done vetoed that bill to give poor kids health care. I was just tryin' to explain, like I did to you folks yesterday that I never go no handouts from the government, so I just don't understand why them poor people need to get health insurance from the government. I mean, sure, I got me some government health insurance for life. But heck, that's 'cause I'm preznit. If'n them poories want some of this, they gotta get them to be preznit too. Otherwise, they should do what I did when I needed somethin', just ask daddy. It sure worked out good for me. I don't understand why them people don't do the same thing. And the other thing I done told them was that if'n they daddies didn't wanna git 'em some health care, well, there's always the emergency room!
So in the middle of my speechifin', some real rude lady started askin' a question what wasn't on the list of approved topics. Now, I don't know about you folks, but that is one thing that sure chaps my hide. I done told all them White House people that they needed to only let people in the hall who didn't piss me off. Let me tell ya'll, this lady sure did piss me off... (pardon my French!, young 'un's, ya'll cover yer ears and whatnot) Here's what she said:
Crazy old bat: -- (inaudible) --Me: Well, you raised your hand. (Laughter.) You didn't mean it? You want -- you want a little chance to collect the thoughts, you know? I mean we're talking national TV here, you know? (Laughter and applause.)
Crazy old bat: I actually wrote it down so I wouldn't get flustered.
Me: Yes -- it didn't work. (Laughter.) It's just the President.
Crazy old bat: Exactly. Thank you for picking me. I work for -- (inaudible) -- and in the last two of your budgets you have attempted to eliminate the Commodity Supplemental Food Program (CSFP)
Me: Yes. (Laughter.) I did? Anyway -- (laughter.)
Crazy old bat: Yes, sir, you did.
Me: I'm going to call the man responsible right when I get home. Anyway, go ahead.
Crazy old bat:Your Secretary of Agriculture came to visit us and we asked him about it, too.
Me: And what did he say?
Crazy old bat: Not a lot.
Me: Why did you ask that question? (Laughter.) Anyway.
Crazy old bat: “With a half-a-million seniors who rely on this food, and the food stamp benefit for seniors who live in poverty, it comes nowhere near this benefit that they receive — how do we make sure that our seniors have the food that they need?”
Me: Well, where do you get most of your food from in the food bank? Private donations, right?
Crazy old bat: Well, we’re fortunate, yes.
Me: Yes. That’s the way it ought to be. Food banks ought to be supported through the generosity of individuals.
Now ya'lls see how I dealt with that Crazy old bat? I really wanted to go down there and just give her a quick ass whoopin' for bein' so disrespectful to me. I am the preznit afterall. People just can't ask me any ol' question that they want. It has to come from an accepted list. But hey, as you folks know, I'm a benevolent preznit. I mean, maybe she was so old an batty that she didn't know. So I figured I best not whoop up on her, but just make her look like an ass in front of all them people. See how I did that? It was masterful.
On the substance of that stupid question, I done just made her look even more like a dunce. And here is how I'm gonna link this 'un up with the poor kids health insurance... see, with them kids, if they didn't get no health, there's always the emergency room... same thing here with them old worthless poor folks. If they don't got no kinda food, they can just go to the soup kitchen. Problem - Problem Solved! That's how I work people.
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